Wedding Humor
Here are some jokes and wedding humor that I hope you enjoy, most of which were contributed by clients over the years. If you have one you would like to add, please email it.
HONEYMOON: That brief span of time between, "I do" and "You'd better!"
-or-
A short period of doting between dating and debting.
The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.
JOKES FROM A WOMAN'S PERSPECTIVE
Q: What's the difference between a Savings Bond and the typical male?
A: Eventually the Savings Bond will mature!
Q: A:What is the only time a man will think about a candlelight dinner?
A: When the power goes off!
Q: Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds ?
A: Because most men are stupid but very few are blind.
Q: Why are men like parking spaces?
A: The good ones are taken and the ones left over are handicapped.
Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don't know, it's never happened.
Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A: Because all those men already have boyfriends.
Q: What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A: His wife is great at picking out clothes.
Q: Why are gingerbread men the best men of all?
A: They're cute, they're sweet, and if they give you any lip, you can bite their heads off!
NOW, SOME FOR THE GUYS!!
My family eats from the 3 basic food groups; canned, frozen and take-out.
WIFE: The 2 things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie.
HUSBAND: Which one is this?
WIFE: "You look tired, honey. How about a nice juicy steak, mashed potatoes and an apple pie for dessert?"
HUSBAND: "No thanks. I'm too tired to go out for dinner."
A THOUGHT: A woman who dresses to kill probably cooks the same.
My wife's cooking is so bad that we pray after we eat.
NEWLYWED: Do you want dinner?
SPOUSE: Sure, what are my choices?
NEWLYWED: Yes and no.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage,the 'Y' becomes silent.
A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong.
"Ohhh, it's my girlfriend."
"What's the problem?"
"When I asked her if she could learn to love me, she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education."
How do many men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
Men who have pierced ears are much better prepared for marriage. They've already experienced pain and bought jewelry.
A bum asks a man for $2. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?"The bum said, "No."
The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No."
Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
Maybe you heard about the man whose credit card was stolen but decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
SON: "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
FATHER: "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
A couple was having a discussion about family finances.
Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."
Hope you enjoyed them!! If you have any good jokes that might be appropriate, please email them to us!
DJ Alan
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